Iterations: self discovery

10 years ago, this week, my marriage to my college sweetheart ended. I walked into the courthouse alone and left alone. Divorce finalized.

I didn’t want it, but it was really one of the best things that could have ever happened for me. This breakup experience was very traumatic, and so was the relationship. Between now and then, was a rather tenuous journey of self discovery. Alone, who am I?

Now, 36, I face a new season. Not marked by a failed marriage but an iterative continuation of self discovery in relationship to others and the world around me. Knowing and loving self is now the foundation of which I discover how I relate to the world and those close to me. It’s a much different starting point than needing the validation of others to feel okay.

I don’t feel a need to be accepted by all. But where I’m accepted is where I want to be. There’s an ease to it. A light breeze.

This quote has been my measuring stick.

My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude. - Warsan Shire

Interestingly, this story seems more challenging. But perhaps it’s just different. My coping mechanism is to do much of life alone, it’s felt much easier this way. Now, the challenge is stay true to myself in the company of others.

To not please others in sacrifice to myself. To not sacrifice others in service to myself. To be in relationship with others, while in relationship with self.

Game on.

With love.