Lost Adult

Get me out of here.

I’m in a rut. It’s been a distressing three years and I’ve done many things to feel well again. I tried so hard, that it occurred to me I was burned out on trying. That left me in a place of not doing extra, anything. My social life got much quieter, and I did everything I could to focus only on the very basic self care actions. Brush teeth, floss, teeth, change clothes, cook and eat three meals, sleep 8 hours, shower. I knew I was in trouble, when those things felt the hardest.

This has been defined to me as depression. And maybe it is/was.

I can say that the basic self care, comes a bit easier to me these days. At the same time, I’ve lost sight in a future, or things that bring me joy. Life is good, I’d say. I have happy days, but it had been a while since I’d felt “lit up” by anything. I could find pleasure in my failsafe crafts, reading, hiking, spending time with my loved ones. But lit up… that has seemed far fetched at this point in my life.

If you’re not familiar with the To Be Magnetic program, Lacy Phillips (founder) describes the key to manifestation and getting what you want out of life is to become your most authentic self. Who were you before the world told you were someone else?

We outgrow methods that once brought us peace and wellness, all the while our perspectives changing as we age and our external world is changing as we shift jobs, homes, partnerships, friendships, have children, experience heartbreak, loss. The list is long. And then we are left wondering what happened? Where has the joy gone?

Every so often I feel called to the things that I loved so much as a child. It’s my fall back plan, when I run out of ideas to feel sense of enjoyment in my day to day. As a child I loved horses, dance, science, and drawing.

Recently I started taking a figure drawing class at the community college near my house. It feels like home. I haven’t drawn for fun in many years, perhaps since college. I’m looking forward to see what unfolds for me here.

What were you stoked about as a child? Start there.

“Remember what brought you joy and made time disappear when you were a child - a time when your creative innocence was fully alive. Those memories are a compass, guiding you back home to your most authentic self.” - @RisingWoman (Sheleana Aiyana)